This article is being republished from the excellent blog Officerchat.org. It was written by a regular conributer named Chronic. I thought Chronic had excellent advice for clan and guild leaders who may be establishing a poor relationship foundation based on co-dependency. I hope you find this article helpful. I modified the title slightly with changing the word Guild to Team.
Image via Wikipedia
In my experiences of being a Guild Leader and in talking to other Guild Leaders in World of Warcraft, the number one cause of leadership burnout is codependency. Not only can codependency cause major issues for guild leaders suffering from its symptoms, but it can also cause major dysfunction in the guild. The problem, however, is that the vast majority of guild leaders don’t even know what codependency is, let alone knowing how to identify and deal with it accordingly. In this article, I will help you to determine if you have codependent tendencies and if so, how to cope with them so that you do not put yourself – or your guild – at risk of failure and dysfunction.
Here is an adapted definition of codependency taken from wikipedia:
Codependency is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and level of happiness. It also often involves putting your own needs at a lower priority than others, and then beating yourself up when you are not given credit for your overly care taking ways. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship or community, and the Codependent person often suffers from denial, low self-esteem that can also be projected onto others, difficulty having fun, and an inability to see a project through to the end.
In other words, the codependent will put others’ needs above their own even if it results in unwarranted stress, aggravation, and feelings of low self-worth. If you find yourself relating to any the following statements, you may have codependent tendencies:
- “I’ve done so much for (so and so) and I didn’t even get a simple thank you!”
- “How can I change the rules to ensure that everyone is happy in the guild?”
- “I have to start doing more for these guys or they are all going to /gquit!”
- “If I just avoid the problem, I’m sure it will take care of itself.”
- “He/she didn’t show up for my raid because he is obviously upset with me”
When dealing with others, a codependent leader will often use language like “you make me feel ______”, or “I was made to feel like____” This forces others to go out of their way to keep you content and reassure you that this isn’t the case – and the guild as a whole will suffer because of it. People are going to be people – and let’s face it, not everyone is going to be sympathetic to your concerns. Despite how passionately you feel about the success of your guild, you must maintain your self-confidence and understand that you can only do so much. If people want to behave in negative ways that are harmful to the guild, remove them rather than ‘rescue’ them. You can’t please everyone. Not everyone is right for your guild; and if you are constantly blaming yourself for others’ discontent, you are likely to become overly stressed and completely burnt out.
If you find yourself reverting to codependent tendencies, you should first reassess why you decided to become a Guild Master in the first place. You should never put in all of the countless hours of hard work required to be an effective leader to garner approval and/or appreciation from others. You should be doing so because it makes you happy and content in the process and in a job well done. One of the first lessons learned is that you are never going to be receiving an equal amount of gratitude as the hard work that you are putting in. You are the Guild Master and you are expected to put forth the most effort; therefore, you shouldn’t feel the need to be constantly reminded of this in order to remain content and confident in your ability to lead.
On the contrary, not everyone who exhibits some of these unhealthy tendencies is, in fact, a codependent. It is natural to care about the well-being of others – especially when a mutiny of unhappy guild members can result in a total collapse of the guild if it is allowed to manifest. You’ve put a lot of hard work into your guild and you want to see it succeed. You want to feel confident in your abilities and you want people to feel optimistic about the future. You want people to stick around and you want them to contribute to its success. At the end of the day, however, you can only do so much. Taking less responsibility for others can result in them becoming more independent, thus less dependent on you to always have the solution for all of the guild’s problems.
Being a Guild Master can be a very rewarding experience. Starting something from scratch in any aspect of like and watching it grow into something special and unique is a an experience like none other. Being the Guild Master of a newly created guild is like being a first time parent of a newborn child. You grow as a parent just as the child eventually grows into an adult. Allowing your child to become excessively dependent on you as the parent is never a good thing. You do not want to enable your child just as you do not want to enable your guildies.
When all is said and done, conquering codependency and ridding it from the guild’s leadership results in a much better situation for all. When leaders are more independent, they are also able to be more assertive in their actions and in their communication with others. You can all agree to disagree with each others’ perspectives resulting in more productivity and less drama overall. In my opinion, people who are codependent have difficulty being assertive. Tactful self-expression, however, and being assertive rather than aggressive are not only effective traits among human interaction; but are absolutely essential tools to utilize when in a leadership role. Read more about Assertive Vs. Aggressive communication in relation to Guild Leadership.
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